Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Who would you like to hump this Hump Day?

This Hump Day, I have a special hump in mind. This Hump Day, I hump not out of love and tenderness, but out of lustful contempt. Which sometimes are the best humps, no? The angry humps. The "I hump you because I hate you" humps. The "I'm sort of symbolically slaughtering you with my sword-like willis" humps. Today is one of those humps. Today, I would hump so hard, with such great passion and zest and zeal, and of course, like always, with unparalleled skill and stamina, that I would hump the meanness, the cruelty and callousness, right out of today's chosen Hump Day Hussy.

Because, I may sometimes be a big old meanie, but I am never, never ever, ever ever, ever ever ever, ever ever ever ever, mean to children that are bald. That's where I draw the line. Especially a child who's gone bald before the tender age of what? Seven?
He's clearly got it rough enough.

Lucy Van Pelt, today you are my Hump Day Hussy.

And whatthefuck, I'll hump you too Sally, if you're around.

OK. Go ahead. Go ahead and hurl the underage child-loving perv accusation at me. But listen. They're fucking animated, k? Your foolish "real life" laws do not apply here. Not here. Not in this imaginary land. Where dogs think they're World War 1 Fighter Pilots and little birds can type. Oh no. You have no authority here.

Remember when I wanted to hump Soledad O'Brien? Wasn't that so totally hilarious and just so wackily obscure of me?

And how about that time I wanted to hump Phoebe Cates? That was great too.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Firstly, this weekly post is a lot more fun when it's a real person, E.D.

But if I were to choose an animated character to fuck (not a huge fan of the word "hump" when I'm talking about penetrating someone/something), it would have to be that big boobed whore from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit." But Lucy Van Pelt could watch.

Loyal Anon.

8:45 AM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

Now, don't be dirty. There might be kids reading this.

9:57 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

she'd definitely be a SCREAMER.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Lucy Van Pelt reminds me of Lorena Bobbitt. I'd be careful of that strumpet.

I'd do Snoopy, and maybe have Woodstock take advantage of his small size and tickle my grundle.

1:22 PM  
Blogger concha said...

sick fukers.

1:55 PM  
Blogger David said...

Based on her experiences with Charlie Brown and the football, I'd say Lucy'd be a tease.

3:04 PM  
Blogger Baron Violent said...

Dear Evil Discussor,

Are there any other cartoon characters you would hump?

3:41 PM  
Blogger Guy said...

Dear Evil Discussor:

Should I fake my orgasms?

Guy Hollerin

4:33 PM  
Blogger V J.D. said...

I was woken up by a screamer the other day; maybe it was Lucy.

4:55 PM  
Anonymous freemdoom said...

And then when you're done, you can toss a nickel in her can. Maybe wipe the Evil Ding-Dong off with her snot-nosed brother's blanket too.

10:46 PM  
Blogger minijonb said...

Personally, my humpalicious favorite from the Peanuts comics was the Little Red-Haired Girl

1:57 PM  

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