Monday, April 03, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Is it true that the Roll n Roaster is closing?

Upsettingly so. I just heard that this 3rd Ave fast food heaven is about to meet its demise. This upsets the Evil Discussor. With its amazingly fresh, tasty and cheap grub, it should be a local institution by now. Instead, word is it'll be gone in three weeks time. To be replaced by a sports bar.

Although it is upsetting, I will try to remain calm.




AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU FREQUENT THIS PLACE ENOUGH, EAST VILLAGERS? OR SHOULD I SAY, FUCKERS? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WAS IT NOT DELICIOUS ENOUGH FOR YOU? WERE THERE NOT ENOUGH OPTIONS FOR YOU ON ITS INSANELY LARGE MENU? WAS THERE NOT ENOUGH GRAVY FOR YOU ON ITS DELIGHTFULLY JUICY ROAST BEEF SANDWICH? IF NOT, YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN SOME EXTRA ON THE SIDE, IDIOT!

You should've been there for the Roll n Roaster when it was there for you. Shame on you.

I will miss your tasty roast beef, R n R. Your turkey sandwiches, with extra dipping gravy. Your delicious taters with a side cup of cheese sauce that you spelled Cheez, also for dipping. Oh how I loved to dip when I visited with you. I will miss your burgers, sweet Roller. Your chicken tenders and amazingly cheap yet tasty pizza. But now I see, as I write this list of your delicious offerings, that perhaps you offered too much product. I haven't even mentioned the shrimp cup, sweet potato and steamed vegetable medley. And perhaps the prices were a little too low, don't you think? $3.95 for a 10" individual pizza? I am grateful for this extreme undervaluation, but shit, you could've charged more. I would've paid. And just maybe you overextended yourselves and took over too much space. No one was ever in that back dining room, fellas. Let's be honest. We all saw it coming.

You will never be the landmark you were destined to be, Roll n Roaster. But we will remember you. And possibly, though doubtfully, take a trip down to your original location in Sheepshead Bay. Wherever that might be. Sounds like a strange seaside town full of drunken sailors. Anyways, hopefully you didn't blow all of your coin and can still keep that original location alive.

As I sign off of today's saddening post, I wish I could say something mean and bitchy here, but I can't. All the vim and vigor has been sucked out of me like the delicious Cheez sauce off a perfectly golden rippled fry. Besides, I can barely see the keyboard through this wall of tears.

E.D.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow.

This place isn't worth your effort. There are a lot better fast food places in the area.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

You talk crazy talk, anon. Don't say such foolish things.

11:42 AM  
Blogger WhiteTrashBBQ said...

Come out to Sheepshead Bay Brooklyn and taste the original. For Roll n Roaster, the original is always the best. They tried Staten Island and left. They tried Manhattan and left. But in Brooklyn, it's a copper roof temple to fast food. Lines are out the door every night. Come to Sheepshead Bay and know why Roll n Roaster is a Brooklyn treasure.

12:31 PM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

I will come out to the original, whitetrashy. And I will worship Roll n Roaster for the temple it is. I will kneel down by its Cheez machine and thank the heavens for giving us but a taste of its cheesy creamy ambrosia.

Where is Shessphead Bay and how do I get there? Do I need to take a boat? And should I dress warm?

12:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

NO!!...My favorite place is closing :((. My day just went down the shitter. There is no other place in Manhattan to get a roast beef sandwich that even comes close. Just what we need another Sports Bar for a bunch of Monday Morning Quarterbacks to sit around bitch'n and moaning over their loser teams.

Roll n Roaster RULES !!!!

2:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My friend just told me the original in Sheep... is closing. Saw a sign that said they are going to put up houses. Can anyone confirm this?

9:46 AM  

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