Dear Evil Discussor... Is it true that the Roll n Roaster is closing?
Although it is upsetting, I will try to remain calm.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU FREQUENT THIS PLACE ENOUGH, EAST VILLAGERS? OR SHOULD I SAY, FUCKERS? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? WAS IT NOT DELICIOUS ENOUGH FOR YOU? WERE THERE NOT ENOUGH OPTIONS FOR YOU ON ITS INSANELY LARGE MENU? WAS THERE NOT ENOUGH GRAVY FOR YOU ON ITS DELIGHTFULLY JUICY ROAST BEEF SANDWICH? IF NOT, YOU COULD'VE GOTTEN SOME EXTRA ON THE SIDE, IDIOT!
You should've been there for the Roll n Roaster when it was there for you. Shame on you.
I will miss your tasty roast beef, R n R. Your turkey sandwiches, with extra dipping gravy. Your delicious taters with a side cup of cheese sauce that you spelled Cheez, also for dipping. Oh how I loved to dip when I visited with you. I will miss your burgers, sweet Roller. Your chicken tenders and amazingly cheap yet tasty pizza. But now I see, as I write this list of your delicious offerings, that perhaps you offered too much product. I haven't even mentioned the shrimp cup, sweet potato and steamed vegetable medley. And perhaps the prices were a little too low, don't you think? $3.95 for a 10" individual pizza? I am grateful for this extreme undervaluation, but shit, you could've charged more. I would've paid. And just maybe you overextended yourselves and took over too much space. No one was ever in that back dining room, fellas. Let's be honest. We all saw it coming.
You will never be the landmark you were destined to be, Roll n Roaster. But we will remember you. And possibly, though doubtfully, take a trip down to your original location in Sheepshead Bay. Wherever that might be. Sounds like a strange seaside town full of drunken sailors. Anyways, hopefully you didn't blow all of your coin and can still keep that original location alive.
As I sign off of today's saddening post, I wish I could say something mean and bitchy here, but I can't. All the vim and vigor has been sucked out of me like the delicious Cheez sauce off a perfectly golden rippled fry. Besides, I can barely see the keyboard through this wall of tears.