Friday, June 30, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Which is better? Apples or Bananas?

And so it is, the second ever installment of your favorite horribly interesting and sometimes grammatically incorrect column entitled Which is better?

This one's easy. Granny Smith? Golden Delicious? McIntosh? Whatever. Any way you slice it (if you didn't catch that awesome punmanship it's because my use of language is so subtly perfect and effortless, it smoothly and seamlessly rolls right over you like hot shower water cascading over your slender shoulders, and down your taut, naked back) my answer is Apples.

Bananas are soft and pasty. And stringy. You don't even really chew them. You gum them.

Apples, on the other hand, are crunchy and crisp. Plus, they don't remind you of that one time you accidentally ate a penis.

Which is better? Squares or Circles?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree. There's so much more variety with apples. But I gotta go with the Grannies.

Sometimes when I eat a banana I feel extremely homosexual. I mean I'm completely comfortable with my masculinity but holding a phallic object like a banana is just awkward, unless it's my own manhood I'm holding.

Here's a heated debate within my family and friends. Which fruits do you refrigerate and which do you leave out?

Loyal Anon.

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the last time i accidentally ate a penis? i enjoyed it actually, and would not be horrified if i was symbolically reenacting the moment each time i bit into a big yellow one. that's just the kind of gal i am.

riotous, evil one. nice going.

11:11 AM  
Blogger copyranter said...

Plus an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Proven.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bananas are baby food. Apples are clearly superior.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Jaime said...

I am unable to agree or disagree.

I guess it just depends on the kind of sensual (ahem, sensory) experience you're after at a particular moment.

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bananas give me indigestion. I hate them. Apples rule! Don't diss the Fuji.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Apples hurt my teeth and gums sometimes. Bananas give me potassium, which doctors tell me is good for getting away with strangling hookers.

I go with bananas.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

can you wear flip-flops to work?

5:43 PM  
Blogger Maulleigh said...

I agree! Granny Smith Apples are the bomb. They're always fresh and delicious. Bananas aren't very filling and you have to get them just as the little brown flecks start to appear or they're not ripe yet.

God, fresh fruit sucks!!! It's such a pain in the ass to keep on top of that shit. No wonder I eat value meals all the time. Burgers are always fresh: always in season.

10:13 AM  
Blogger concha said...

i'm gonna have to disagree with you on this one. i'm actually rather fond of my accidental penis consumption memory.

11:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

E.D. Why is it that the majority of the people on this planet are ignorant, stupid, lazy, incapable morons?

10:29 AM  
Blogger LAVERIE said...

If only Eve and Snow White had bitten bananas instead...
Thank you for your funny answers, Evil Snake.
a French Blogger.

1:11 PM  

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