Thursday, July 13, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Why do people in New York often say on line when everyone knows you're in line not on line, stupid?

Interesting question. And in fact, there's a very obvious reason for this. They're dumb. It's as simple as that. Totally and completely dumb. And ignorant. But mainly, just really mind-numbingly dumb in the head stupid dumb.

But it's not entirely their fault that they're so very, very blindingly thick in the brain. After doing some research on the world wide web, I discovered that, often, if you examine their histories closely, many people who say "on line" when they're actually "in line" as in, "I've been standing on line for these Jersey Boys tickets for like 4 hours," were actually subjected to shock therapy at a young age, by their parents who, thinking that their children were either gay, or crazy, or crazy gay, decided that shock therapy would be the proper solution to the problem. Which it totally was. Unfortunately, after having the gayness and crazy craziness shocked out of their system, these people were left with the mildly annoying habit of being really, really, really, amazingly stupid, often thinking they're "on a line" when, in fact, they're actually "in a line."

So next time you hear someone say "on line" instead of "in line" and you want to pick up a sharp stick and either crack them a bunch of times on or near the temples, or poke them about the face with it, stop and think about it. Just think about it for a second. Then choose the poking option. It's much more effective.

Hope that answers your question and shines some light on this particular issue. For further info, please do read John G. Krackerfucker's "On Line": That's "In-Line" To Anyone With Any Sort Of Education or A Dumbass's Guide to Dumbass New York by Craig Fingermybum.



Blogger Jennifer said...

I guess that explains why they say "close with," as in "I'm really close with my brother."

No, you're really close to your brother. Poke!

12:52 PM  
Blogger minijonb said...

actually, they're in a queue... dumbasses =;-)

2:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just out of curiosity. . . was this question asked because "on-line" was said in last night's rerun of Sex in the City on the soon-to-be-extinct WB?

Because it was.

By Berger.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it stems from the innate desire for all New Yorkers to separate themselves from everyone else. Anyone from New York automatically thinks and acts like they're better than everyone else from any other state/province/country. So to further individualize/gas ourselves up we say "on line."
And fuck you all for trying to change me (us).

Loyal Anon.

2:47 PM  
Blogger Chris said...


I'm glad you tackled this pressing issue. It really has been bothering me for years.

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Spanky Mcfarland said...

Clearly you all are from the Midwest aka the states nobody cares about (except for the queue dude who is probably from the UK). We say ON LINE because we're better than you and you know it. You want to be us but you're not cool enough. So there!

3:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

spanky, shut the hell up. this is why one moves to chicago instead of NYC, to avoid people such as yourself.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Spanky Mcfarland said...

hey anonymous, come shut me up...oh wait you're all the way in chicago...the midwest...the city that will never EVER be as good as NY. HA!!! I love how angry you guys get when faced with facts.

2:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wait, who is angry?

4:54 PM  

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