Dear Evil Discussor... Why do people in New York often say on line when everyone knows you're in line not on line, stupid?

Interesting question. And in fact, there's a very obvious reason for this. They're dumb. It's as simple as that. Totally and completely dumb. And ignorant. But mainly, just really mind-numbingly dumb in the head stupid dumb.

But it's not entirely their fault that they're so very, very blindingly thick in the brain. After doing some research on the world wide web, I discovered that, often, if you examine their histories closely, many people who say "on line" when they're actually "in line" as in, "I've been standing on line for these Jersey Boys tickets for like 4 hours," were actually subjected to shock therapy at a young age, by their parents who, thinking that their children were either gay, or crazy, or crazy gay, decided that shock therapy would be the proper solution to the problem. Which it totally was. Unfortunately, after having the gayness and crazy craziness shocked out of their system, these people were left with the mildly annoying habit of being really, really, really, amazingly stupid, often thinking they're "on a line" when, in fact, they're actually "in a line."

So next time you hear someone say "on line" instead of "in line" and you want to pick up a sharp stick and either crack them a bunch of times on or near the temples, or poke them about the face with it, stop and think about it. Just think about it for a second. Then choose the poking option. It's much more effective.

Hope that answers your question and shines some light on this particular issue. For further info, please do read John G. Krackerfucker's "On Line": That's "In-Line" To Anyone With Any Sort Of Education or A Dumbass's Guide to Dumbass New York by Craig Fingermybum.

Yours,
E.D.