Friday, July 07, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Have you copyrighted the word 'blerd' meaning 'blog nerd'?

Yes. Of course I have. So don't even think of ripping me off, fucknose. The word's been copyrighted, trademarked, patented and registered. I own the sweet-ass hot-damn word. I even wrote the word down, put it in an enevelope (Postmarked yesterday of course. What do you think I am? Stupid? (Don't answer that. Unless your answer is no.)), and sent it to myself, never ever ever to be touched or opened or licked again by human hands. Or mouth, I guess. Hands don't lick, dummy. I even own the freaking domain name, ok? Be it .com, .org, .net, .uk, or .whateverthefuckelse. I've written the book and optioned the film rights. I've fucking already got Colin Farrell and Eliza Dushku (she's from Buffy and some other shit) to play the fucking leads, so back the fuck off. You're out of luck. The word's all mine. Find a fucking nother.

That's right, I'm feeling cuss-worthy and totally fuck-tastic. I have no idea why, but this post is more offensively profanity-laced than if you were to combine the motherfucking first two seasons of Deadwood, 48 Hours, and Another 48 Hours, all into one, extremely long, ridiculous show/ABC Special Presentation. So what the fuck what? Fuck?

'Blerd' is going to make me famous. Nay, it's not just going to make me famous, it's going to make me ridiculously rich. Like, really really really rich. Like shitting gold bricks rich. Like shitting pure gold. Like diarrheaing gold even. Diarrheaing gold all day and all night. Every night, an endless stream of diarrhea. It doesn't sound pretty, but believe me it is. Cause when your diarrhea comes out gold, it's pretty. It's not so bad or gross or painful or uncomfortable to diarrhea like it usually is to diarrhea. It's good to diarrhea. Really good to diarrhea. When your diarrhea's gold.

Alright, it's probably still pretty uncomfortable. But trust me, it's worth it. So, anyways, yeah. Hands off, bitches. Or should I say, blerds. (copyright) (TM) (R) (FUQ) (2006 Evil Discussor Ltd. Inc. Co.)


Here's the link to the post where I invented that sweet word. Or, if you weren't the huge lazy blerd you are, you could just scroll down one post. It was just this morning, needlenuts:
Dear Evil Discussor... What is your day job?


Blogger concha said...

aren't we busy today?

12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pure gold, diarrhea gold.

Loyal Anon.

12:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear E.D.,

Why are there so many shitty blogs out there and yours and Larrys are (pretty) consistently good?

Loyal Anon.

4:08 PM  
Blogger Baron Violent said...

Dear Evil Discussor,

Do you have any other choice derogatory terms for bloggers and people who indulge them in their self-importance?

4:27 PM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

Yes. Bitches. Blogtards. And douchefaces.

As in, "You bitches, you're such blogtards. Or should I say, douchefaces?"

4:35 PM  

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