Dear Evil Discussor... Is this where I will find my Special Speed Round Question Day questions answered?

Yes. It's Special Speed Round Question Day on Evil Discussor. I am answering your awful questions even as I type this. It's crazy! Trust me on that.

Dear Evil Discussor... Paper or plastic?
The Evil Discussor does not shop for groceries. The Evil Discussor hunts animals for his meat and farms the land for his vegetables. For microwave popcorn and hummos, however, the Evil Discussor uses Fresh Direct.


Dear Evil Discussor... Top or bottom?
Bottom. I'm a voracious reader. And that way I can read as well.


Dear Evil Discussor... Hanging left or hanging right?
Both. My biologically-astounding, genetically-miraculous, dopple-headed, lady-pleasing, pork-machine hangs both ways. Obviously.
On another note, your 'This or That?' style of questioning is beginning to bore my very easily bored evil mind.


Dear Evil Discussor... Do you not have a job?
Yes, amish, I do. But when your job title is Evil Mastermind, you make time for these sorts of things.

Alright fine, I'm only Senior Associate Evillator in charge of Evilocity, but I've heard talk of a promotion.


Dear Evil Discussor... Saline or silicon?
Spellcheck, young anonymous, can be the difference between the abundant brittle nonmetallic chemical element found naturally in sand, granite, clay and many minerals, or, the silicon-based synthetic substance in the form of a heat and water-resistant grease, oil, or plastic, that you use to make big boobies.


Dear Evil Discussor... Is Loyal Anon maybe the lamest and worst anonymous commenter in the history of anonymous commenters, failing so utterly in his attempts at both humor and insight, with comments that make very little grammatical sense, and are generally hard to make any sense of whatsoever, such as the question he just asked, "Is it completely necessary to wash-up after 'domless anal?'" and does he often make you sad, each comment of his leaving you more and more regretful of the fact that you ever started a blog in the first place?
Yes. Absolutely.


Dear Evil Discussor... Did someone actually ask that last question or was that you?
That was me.


Dear Evil Discussor... How about that last one?
Me again. But let's stop this, Brain, or we could go on like this forever, k?


Dear Evil Discussor... Is this what it's come to?
Indeed, Chris, this is what its come to. Or, is this what it always was? And also, were those italics used appropriately or not?

Maybe it's correct, what you infer. That your once great and greatly magnificent blogmaster has been reduced to a pathetic shell of his former self. A circus freak. A sideshow. That he is now the Bearded Lady of Blogging. The Dog-Faced Blogger Boy. That he has become both Ang, and Chang, Siamese Bloggers. Its true. I am the Tri-Titted Wonder. You want to look away, but you can't. You are enthralled, and disgusted, by my metaphorical triple-breasted action. Don't look away, Chris, don't. Not even for a second. Stare at all three of my breasts. Embrace me. Embrace them. They are milky and soft. Pillowy, some say. Like the softest soft clouds. Go ahead. Touch them. For free, this time. You know you want to.

But more importantly, let's get back to embracing me. As I am. As the pathetic, snivelling, attention starved blogster with, clearly, way too much time on his hands, that I have always been. Love that. Love me. Love love.


Dear Evil Discussor... What is the sound of one hand clapping?
I don't know, Copyrantyface. But I do know this. I am amazing at what I do. And this here rapid fire question ingestion session is an obvious testament to the powers of my undeniable blogging prowess. And you, you are not half bad either, CR. Each day, "doing your thing" for all of the world's enjoyment and entertainment. Enterjoyment, really. Or, likewise, Enjoytainment, if preferred. Scuse me if I get a little emotional here, but this whole Special Speed Round Question Special Day Thing has drained me a tad, leaving me a wee bit nostalgic, in a 'weeping on the floor naked in the prone position' kind of way. May I just say, on behalf of the whole blogging community: God bless you, Ranter. Bless your sweet little ranting heart. And bless every one of your posts. Even the really half-baked awful ones. Those dreadfully boring ones that you clearly just mail in to fill some sort of personal quota. God bless those ones too.


Dear Evil Discussor... Are you a "Freegan"?
and
Dear Evil Discussor... Again... Are you a "Freegan"?
In response to both of your questions, New Anonymous Retard, maybe I am, maybe I’m not. But one thing’s for sure. You are, most definitely, a new anonymous retard.

Also, in the future, try to make your questions slightly different. Makes it more interesting.


Dear Evil Discussor... So, has this been fun for you? (It was for me)
Amish, although it might have seemed like it, we did not just go out on a date. What's next? Are you going to try and kiss me on the porch?

Anyhow, good to know you've enjoyed this. This, my personal test of will and amazing feat of bloggy strength. It is also good to know that my blogging powers know no limits.


Dear Evil Discussor... Did you have online sex with Rep. Mark Foley?
If you want politics, go to The Drudge Report or Wonkette or Ebaum's World Of Extreme Backyard Bareknuckle Fighting and Awesome Motorcycle Wheelies and Also Probably Some Anal Fisting. But leave my current events-free ass alone.


Dear Evil Discussor... Do you and rantypants hang out? I have (sexual) fantasies about having the two of you at the same time.
First, if your fantasies are only brackets sexual, then, I'm afraid that's not quite sexual enough for me.
Second, the idea of my naked manstick anywhere near Copyranter makes me nauseous and disgusted and, fine, a little bit hard.
And third, how do I even know that you're a woman? There's so many freaky deaky dumbheaded fucknosed anonymous commenters around this stinkhole of a blog, that I'm sure would get off on playing the part of a damsel, and probably would love nothing more than to enjoy me and maybe the Copyranter sans-knickers. So you see, I'm a little bit cautious and a tad crazy paranoid about the whole tryst thing. Prove that you're a femfem.