Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Will you have my cyber child?

Yes. Of course I will. I would love to. I would love nothing more than to put my cyber spatula in your cyber saucepan and make some cyber lovesauce. But before I cybernate you with my cyber seed, you must promise me a few things:

1) That if we have a boy, he will be named Gregor. If its a girl, Lubmilla. Yes, we will have a little Russian cyber baby. Don't ask why. Just agree.

2) That we will dress our adorable little Russian cyber spawn in nothing but Gap Baby, and then, of course, Gap Kids. He or she will never want for adorable onesies nor unbelievably cute matching tops and bottoms and, on special occasions, will wear little argyle sweater vests, a mini leather jacket, and a little newsboy cap.

3) That we will sometimes put our sweet little cyber baby in a pair of sunglasses that are way too big for his/her head.

4) That, even if its a boy, our beautiful little Russian virtual wonder baby will have long wavy hair and, in the nighttime, will wear a night dress. Before beddy-by, he will come running to me and call out, "Papa! Papa!" in a French accent. We will find this bizarre because, as we both know, he is Russian.

5) That you have big boobies.

If all of these conditions can be agreed upon, then we can start with the cyber sucking/fucking/baby-making. And you can start interviewing the cyber Filipinos.


some other times i have been loved for the evil ass that i am
Dear Evil Discussor... Is it blog-love at first sight?
Dear Evil Discussor... Why do mosquitoes love you so much?
Dear Evil Discussor... Are you available?

a post i once wrote about salad
Dear Evil Discussor... How's lunch?


Anonymous loyal anon. said...

Your cyber sperm can't handle the acidity of my vag.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

Probably the worst, lamest comment ever.
Congrats. On being one tiny click away from deletion.

5:25 PM  
Blogger copyranter said...

don'r forget an ironic onesie t-shirt of the "famous" Russian rock band Kino.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i want to have your cyber baby too. are you into cyber polygamy by any chance? i've got big boobies...

2:06 PM  
Anonymous loyal anon said...

At least my comment elicited a response and probably a string of responses heretofore.

Delete me, I dare you. I'll reply with the fury of ten thousand infuriated loyal anons.

2:10 PM  

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