Dear Evil Discussor... Why do mosquitoes love you so much?
Which, by the way I just put it, doesn't sound so bad. Sounds pretty fucking titillating, actually, I've got to say.
But trust me, it's not. It's not a good sucking. It's sucking in a bad way. A big, bad blood-sucking. And worse, when those nasty fucking blood fucking sucker fuckers fucking bite me, the bites tend to itch like a crazy bitch and swell to mythic proportions. Once, when camping in the wilderness, I had the good fortune to be bit on my left eyelid, which then quickly and mercilessly swelled up to a ridiculous degree, so that I looked not unlike Eric Stoltz in Mask. Needless to say, I was a hit with the ladies.
Right now, I have two bites on my side that just won't quit. I must've been nailed by some flying fuckitoes sometime last night. But in Manhattan? Mosquitoes? Those have got to be the stankiest mosquitoes around. New York-style, homeless tranny, garbage picking, crystal meth addicted, hep-something mosquitoes. And they just threw a non-stop nasty little crystal meth sex party all over me.
But, I guess, when you think about it, the fact that mosquitoes enjoy my sumptuous flesh offerings is, like my Mom (pictured) says, just a testament to the fact that I'm so damn sweet, right?
Come on. Admit it. I'm sweet like a summery peach. I'm hot damn tastily evilicious, and you know it.
P.S. And, in case you're wondering, yes, that is my actual Evil mom. It's not like I just went on Google Images, typed in "mom" and went with the first picture I could find. What would be the point of that? That would just be plain stupid.