Dear Evil Discussor... Why do mosquitoes love you so much?

I don't know. But do they fucking ever. Those skeeters turn my hot bod into one big piece of skeeter loving meat. They're drawn to little old Evil me like the love magnet that I am. They love me so much, it's like they want to have my little fucking skeeter babies. (I know. Same joke also used in previous post. But, would you get off my freaking back? This shit ain't easy, man.) (Fine. It is pretty easy. But you know what I mean.) If there is a mosquito anywhere in my general vicinity, it will buzz itself around, bypassing every other very biteable individual in the area, find its way my way, latch on to me, and suck me all night.

Which, by the way I just put it, doesn't sound so bad. Sounds pretty fucking titillating, actually, I've got to say.

But trust me, it's not. It's not a good sucking. It's sucking in a bad way. A big, bad blood-sucking. And worse, when those nasty fucking blood fucking sucker fuckers fucking bite me, the bites tend to itch like a crazy bitch and swell to mythic proportions. Once, when camping in the wilderness, I had the good fortune to be bit on my left eyelid, which then quickly and mercilessly swelled up to a ridiculous degree, so that I looked not unlike Eric Stoltz in Mask. Needless to say, I was a hit with the ladies.

Right now, I have two bites on my side that just won't quit. I must've been nailed by some flying fuckitoes sometime last night. But in Manhattan? Mosquitoes? Those have got to be the stankiest mosquitoes around. New York-style, homeless tranny, garbage picking, crystal meth addicted, hep-something mosquitoes. And they just threw a non-stop nasty little crystal meth sex party all over me.

But, I guess, when you think about it, the fact that mosquitoes enjoy my sumptuous flesh offerings is, like my Mom (pictured) says, just a testament to the fact that I'm so damn sweet, right?

Come on. Admit it. I'm sweet like a summery peach. I'm hot damn tastily evilicious, and you know it.

Alright,
E.D.

P.S. And, in case you're wondering, yes, that is my actual Evil mom. It's not like I just went on Google Images, typed in "mom" and went with the first picture I could find. What would be the point of that? That would just be plain stupid.