Dear Evil Discussor... Is there really ever any reason to ever go to St. Louis ever?

No.

Much like many/most/almost all/all American cities that aren't New York, there's really very little reason for St. Louis to even exist. And I know, because, I spent last night there. Which now makes me the resident expert on St. Louis, yes?

I have seen Missouri. And its inhabitants. And its finest city. And I am proof positive (does that make sense? maybe? hey, back the fuck off. what are you, my fucking editor?) that it's a horrible place that no one should ever bother visiting. Unless of course you're writing a book called Horrible Places. In that case, it makes complete sense that you would visit there. Go ahead. See if I care. Actually don't. Don't bother. I'll give you the lowdown right now. And save you the hassle. You can just pretend you went. No one'll ever know. Cause no one ever goes there. Not even people who live in St. Louis go to St. Louis. That's how bad St. Louis is.

It's kind of like Phoenix. But with a river. And an arch. And, oh yeah, also, a sports bar. And that's it, as far as I can tell. I can say pretty conclusively -- I did spend three hours there, after all -- that there is nothing whatsoever to do, see, visit, eat, drink, fuck, shit, piss or sleep there. Its no place for an Evil Discussor to be. No. Such an awesome, popular, prolific, and powerful blogger such as I needs a city like St. Louis not.

Here's a poem/spoken word thing I wrote, entitled
"Fuck St. Louis (Fuck It Hard)":

Fuck St. Louis!
Fuck it hard!
We don't need it!
Let's burn down St. Louis!
Let's burn down its houses and steal all its gold bouillon!
Is there bouillon there?
I'm not sure.
If so, great. We'll take it!
If not, well, fuck you!
And we'll take that Arch too.
We'll bring it back to New York and put it in a park somewhere.
As a symbol of our conquest of your civic-ass, St. Louis!
We'll put it in Washington Square Park!
Yes!
How brilliant!
Am I!
Right across from the other arch!
We can have an arch off!
And, at the same time, score some weed!
Or oregano!
Who cares?
We'll have a good time.
We'll watch some acrobatic youngsters do their thing!
Or an effeminate guy will strum us a horrible John Mayer tune on his acoustic guitar!
Either way, it'll be great!
Unlike St. Louis!
Fuck that city!
Hard!
Fuck!

E.D.