Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Do you know who's wearing these grey New Balance? They were crapping in the stall next to me.

Good question. But, honestly, no, I don't know.

But here's what I do know. There are three stalls in the bathroom by me. Now, obviously, I, as any insanely intelligent person like myself would, go for one of the end stalls. You needn't even be as smart as me to realize that. It's just plain common sense. Only sharing a wall with one stall makes more sense than having neighbors on both side, right? Of course. But sometimes, every once in a while, people take the middle stall. See, they think they're being all smart and all. Using the old reverse psychology, that because the middle stall is less popular, it is less used and therefore cleaner. It's the "when eating at a restaurant, hold the coffee mug with your left hand so as to drink from the less used side of the cup" mentality. They're real smart, right? No. Fuck no. They're not smart. They're dumb. Dumb dumbasses. Dumb dumb dumby dum dums. And totally effing crazy! You're totally over-thinking it, middle stall beeotchskies! Cause what ends up happening is, you sacrifice some private crapping space for an insignificantly cleaner stall! But good for you. Stay out of my end stalls, buddy buddies. All the better for me.

But yeah, that doesn't really help you with your question, does it? But so what? I can't speak my mind here? It's my blog, bitchpants. Anyways, what do you think I am? Some sort of soothsayer? Some sort of Criss Angel, Mindfreak? Yes, I am a crazy brained madman, a smart-ass smartypants with powers of sight and smell and sense far greater than those of an average human being. But still, I don't know who's shoes those are. I don't even know where you work. Look, all I can say is, I'll keep on the look out. And good luck with your search.



Blogger David said...

Dear Evil Discussor -

The best solution is to crap in the handicapped stall. More elbow room, privacy.

10:25 AM  
Blogger Evil Discussor said...

Yeah, if you like your legs a-dangling. Those seats are crazily high, david. Come on, you know better than that.

12:44 PM  
Blogger Maulleigh said...

I wish you hadn't posted this; I think about this whenver I use the middle stall.

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes, if you're tall, you prefer the handicapped toilet *because* it's higher. I come from a family of tall people and we have the high (handicapped) toilets in every bathroom. Cuz we're so tall we're handicapped.

11:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I'm taking a massive dump, whether it be at work, at a bar, restaurant or Subway (which I wouldn't recommend), I take E.D.'s appraoch and pick the one with the most privacy. But all I hope is that no one else comes in tha bathroom because some noises and smells that come out (espcially after some pinche Mexican food) are down right repulsive. The last thing I want is some guy at work recognizing my shoes and telling all my co-workers how my insides are rotting.

9:38 AM  

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