Friday, March 31, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Do you double-cup hot beverages?

Yes, whenever I can. Sometimes you don't need to if the cup is suitably thick or made of styrofoam. But I just can't enjoy a coffee if its burning me at the same time.

I'll admit it. I have little girlish hands. There. I said it. The Evil Discussor has little girlish hands. Go ahead. Laugh. I don't care. Cause you know what? My soft and supple hands are laughing at you.


Thursday, March 30, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... When you're around little kids, do you sometimes worry you'll get punched in the balls?

Funny you should ask. Yes. Yes I do. Because little kids are little. Often around ball height. And they're also prone to do wild and irrational things. Like swing their arms suddenly. Or do the chicken dance. And that's a combination that can only lead to disaster. Big bad ball disaster.

Like look at this little kid. If he doesn't have that "I Might Look Sheepish But In A Second I'm Gonna Punch You Hard In the Balls Look" then I'm just crazy.

And how bout this punk with the mullet/rat's tail. This ball punching mulleted kid obviously just got done punching some guy's balls in the departure lounge and is probably looking for another victim.

So, yeah. Yeah I worry. I worry a lot.


Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Why do you ask yourself questions, pretending they're from actual readers? Is it because you're very lonely?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

And please, only one question at a time.

Warm regards,

Monday, March 27, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Were you away for a week?

Why yes, I was. You see, sometimes the Evil Discussor has to get away. From the big city. From his earthly concerns. From you. Sometimes he has to go and clear his mind so that he can come back and write these amazingly witty and vaguely antagonistic retorts to your simple-minded questions. Sometimes he writes them in 1st person but sometimes he likes to write them in 3rd person. That sometimes is today.

Thanks for asking.


Friday, March 17, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... Is this your only job?

Oh yeah, answering your stupid questions really pays the bills. Come on. I write a blog. I'm a blogger. A blog blog blogger. A bloggy oggy ogger. A very accomplished blogger, yes. But think about it. How do you think I acquire all this awesome knowledge? By sitting here typing away? Of course not. I'll tell you how. World travel. And that sort of travel isn't cheap. So how do you think I can afford all this world travel so as to acquire all this awesome knowledge? Of course I have a day job.

What it is, I can't tell you. The last thing I need is you hanging around my office lobby in the morning as I'm making my way into work, calling after me, "Hey Evil Discussor! Will you sign my tit?" I really don't need that in my life.

So, short answer: no. Long answer: read above.


Thursday, March 16, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... What is your favorite New York City neighborhood?

Thanks for asking. Of course, like all other New Yorkers, I like to do my shopping in SoHo, my hanging out in Times Square, and my rocking out on the LES.
However, my favorite neighborhood right now is this newly emerging hood known to real estate brokers and those in the know as SoPaBeBarNo (the Sort of Parallelogram Between Barnes & Nobleses.) It's a charming little nabe where, no matter what direction you walk in, you're never more than 2 blocks form a Barnes & Nobles.

What's yours?


Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Dear Evil Discussor... W.W.J.D?

I don't speak in acronyms. Or anagrams. Or whatever that is. And I have no clue what you're trying to ask. But how about this. F.U.Q.

Does that answer your question?

Don't answer that.