Dear Evil Discussor... Yes, but what about cheese fries with GRAVY??

You are right. So right. How foolish of me. Cheese fries are good. But cheese fries with gravy is so much more better good. For shame. To forget my greatest ally. My bestest friend. My secret confidante. Gravy. You know how much I love you, Gravy, don't you? No? Haven't I told you? How much I enjoy dipping things in you and then eating them? Yes, I believe I sort of have. But I should tell you so much more often.

I live for Gravy, see. I live and die by the sword of Gravy. Gravy is my everything. I even capitalize Gravy. I once made love to Gravy for two whole straight days without stopping. Fuck, I mean, my middle name is Gravy. Honestly. Evil Augustine Jeremiah Gravy Von Discussor The Third. Gravy with fries, even without any sort of cheese, is good by me. Nay, great by me. Greater than great even. Great is too small of a word for something so magically deliciously wonderfully wonderful. We must find new words for something as fucktastically diptastic as gravy. A whole new language and alphabet might be necessary. Maybe even Wingdings can finally come in handy. $%^^^^^&@@@@@@&&^^$!$##@%????©?´¨«?ß©ß僩´???¨??©??å…?å˜?ß?種ç¨ç¥®å©®ƒçå©??¨ˆç¬åæçœåø®¨çœø??®¨çæœ??ç??ß©ç?ßå©?ç??©åß???ç©ßå???ç©åß???ç????•?. That's how good gravy is. It can pretty much only be described using symbols. And other things. It can only really be spoken of using guttural sounds and clicks.

Gravy is the graviest. Gravy is the antidote to all of the world's worldy ills. All of them. Greenhouse gases? Famine? Pestilence? Locusts? Death? You are no match for Gravy. Gravy is the greatest invention ever invented. Greater than the wheel. Greater than electricity. Yes, greater even than light. Does light fill your belly with its chunkity liquidy tasty goodness? No. But does gravy brighten up your every day? Yes. Yes of course it does. And fuckit, the more gravy skin the better. The better to de-hymenize Gravy with the very first fry poke. Because Gravy is a goddess. And you, a peasant. You worship in her tangy brownness. Gravy is better than a rainbow on a cloudy day. Better than a cool waterfall in the middle of the hot jungle. Better even than sex with me. Gravy is the answer. But what is the question? No one knows, stupid. Except for me. And this is it: If you had to pick one album to take with you to a desert island, what would it be? That's right. It would be Gravy. Because Gravy is God's greatest gift to mankind. And I, God's greatest gravy messenger.

E.D.